Disease to Please – Trying to make everybody happy

The majority of us highly value our connections with the people around us, such as family, friends, colleagues, superiors and even new acquaintances. In order to maintain those connections, we often feel the need to please them, as if their happiness depended on us and our actions.   There is nothing wrong with the idea of making everyone we know happy, aside from the fact it’s impossible and unrealistic! Unfortunately some people take this too far and develop people pleasing habits which can become a gripping disease that begins to take over lives.   What is the Disease to Please? Simply put, the disease to please makes us want to please all the people around us. It is driven by a need of approval – mistakenly thinking that the only way we can make others happy is by giving into their whims, requests and demands. It starts off with a sincere wish to be nice and helpful to others, developing into a habit of saying ‘yes’ even though we want to say ‘no’.   It may seem like a simple enough problem to deal with but that is not always the case. In our quest to give joy to others, we end up neglecting ourselves holding onto approvals and validation. However what happens when the string of approvals we value, disappear?   The Dangers of Being a People-Pleaser The disease to please is one that affects us an entire person – from our emotional, mental, and even physical well-being.   When we aim to please someone we are willing to sacrifice all we have in exchange for a nod and a smile of approval. We put others first before ourselves which is not healthy long […]

Why good people do bad things

In the age old story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the doctor drinks a potion which turns him into a monster. In real-life though this ‘potion’ does not exist, nor do we need it in order to commit unethical behaviour.   The Voice Within In certain scenarios, we are told to follow our gut instinct, listen to our inner voice and go with our beliefs, but what if our inner voice tells us to do something unacceptable? There are people who suffer such an experience and in some instances they could be suffering from multiple personality disorder which can be frightening.   It is known that many people have an inner voice and they can be both good or bad depending on what they’re telling us to do. Sometimes they critic us and our behaviour by telling us we’re not good enough, we’re too fat, we’re not smart enough etc. In other cases our inner voice does not only critic us but also tells us to do bad things. This could be a small misdemeanours like eating that second slice of cake through to bigger and unacceptable actions such as illegal activity, crime and socially unacceptable behaviour.   Turning the Negative Inner Voice Off There are cases when our negative inner voice tells or forces us to do bad things – things which we wouldn’t normally or otherwise do. In moments of weakness our inner voice wins and we just find ourselves doing those bad things, as if we have no control over our actions. A good example of this is an alcoholic in recovery. They know it’s wrong for them to drink, but some can fall of the band wagon a few times […]

Why do people lie?

Fear and Greed – Two main reasons why people Lie As children and even as adults we are told that lying is bad. Sayings such as ‘Honesty is the Best Policy’ and ‘The Truth shall Set You Free’ are stumbled across frequently, yet people still lie. Why? We all lie. In fact, we even lie about lying! A study mentioned in 60% of People Can’t Go 10 Minutes Without Lying showed that even liars themselves were shocked to see that they had lied at least three times during a brief interview. They are often small lies to make us feel better about ourselves however sometimes there is a deeper meaning behind this. Fear of Losing Something Sometimes we know that telling the truth will cause us to lose something we value and it can automatically make us turn into liars. Children who know that their favourite toy or TV time will be taken away after admitting to breaking the vase would rather choose to lie, as much as men would rather lie about having an affair than admit it for fear of losing their wife and children. In some situations we even shift blame to another person rather than face the consequences. The long-term effects of this scenario are that people lose their abilities to be responsible and deal with the bigger challenges in life. In addition it keeps them from forming close relationships with the people whom they pass the blame to and they risk losing their credibility and reputation. Fear of Conflict We also lie in order to avoid uncomfortable situations, especially if it makes the other person feel guilty or embarrassed. How many times have you lied about your wife’s new hairstyle? […]

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