Counselling

How to deal with narcissism

Whether it’s a co-worker, friend and family member, almost everyone knows someone with a narcissistic personality. Those with a narcissistic personality have an elevated sense of self-importance. They have a sense that they are in charge (at work and home), believe their ‘uniqueness’ can only be understood by a select few, and can require excessive admiration.   For those who work or live with the narcissist, life can become so complicated; you wish the narcissist would just “quit it”. Unfortunately, that’s not an option. As hard as it is to hear, narcissism is something to be dealt with – not necessarily something that can be overcome.   The good news is armed with the right strategies; you can learn to co-exist with the narcissist(s) in your life.   Lower Your Expectations – As you’ll never receive total emotional nurturing in a narcissistic relationship, ensure you keep your expectations realistic. When you’re with them, try to magnify their good qualities, while understanding they are somewhat emotionally limited. Accepting this truth will help you stop asking for something your family member, spouse or co-worker is unable to give (e.g. unconditional love, emotional support, etc.).   Strategise Your Needs – Due to a lack of empathy, narcissists have a lot of troubles focusing on the needs of others – even loved ones. So, ensure you don’t bother them with every little issue that crops up. When you need them to do something for you, ask for their help. To achieve a good result, ask for assistance in areas they are interested or gifted in.   Never Make Your Self-Worth Dependent on Them – Whatever you do, don’t get caught in the trap of trying to please a narcissist. […]

Pre-trial Counselling

Many of us, have no experience of the courtroom. Courtrooms are worlds of their own, in that they have processes and language that are second nature to those who regularly inhabit this world, although as incomprehensible to those of us who don’t. For those who are a victim or are a witness giving evidence in a trial, the court can be quite an emotionally distressing experience. For example, the process of a cross-examination, where the opposing lawyer attempts to discredit the witness, can be very intimidating. Lawyers do not care if they intimidate you or come across aggressive; they simply want to find a weakness and create uncertainty for the jury to doubt the validity of the witness’s testimony. Unfortunately, there is no support system offered by the courts to help deal with the rigours of going to court. However, there are external services available. Alegna Solutions has a pre-trial counselling service to help improve self-esteem and self-confidence, as well as prepare victims and witnesses for the experience of court. Pre-trial counselling is a way of preparing. It covers basic things like the roles of the different people within the court and basic information about legal processes, so you are not walking in blind. Courts can be confusing places although if you go into them with a little knowledge it can be much less daunting. Pre-trial counselling will help make sense of the process and be aware of what is expected of you as a witness, and what to expect as a witness. Alegna solutions recommend pre-trial counselling especially for people, who are vulnerable, intimidated or who have experienced trauma. In the UK, the Crown Prosecution Service is reviewing its stance towards pre-trial counselling in […]

How to Manage Anxiety

Anxiety – that unwelcome intruder which leaves unmerited fear, racing hearts and minds and utter confusion in its wake. Whether we’re nervous about a big presentation or a first date, we all face anxiety from time to time.   Anxiety is an individualised feeling, with no two people experiencing it the same way. However, there are several commonalities that distinguish it from other disorders. Prominent features include ongoing worry, obstructive thoughts, confusion, sweating, nausea and restlessness, among others.   Sometimes it can be a good thing. Anxiety usually forces us to assess a situation and formulate an appropriate response. Problems arise when anxiety becomes a ‘default setting’ which impacts on your everyday life. The techniques below can help you self-manage anxiety, so it does not overtake your life.   IDENTIFY TRIGGER FACTORS The first step to anxiety management is identifying situations that make you anxious. The best way, to do this, is keeping a journal of symptoms and what is happening around you when anxiety occurs. Keeping a record of why and how your anxiety occurs will help you manage this situation better in the future.   PROBLEM SOLVING Once you have identified the specific situation(s) causing your anxiety, structured problem-solving can help resolve anxiety by addressing the underlying problem. Follow these steps to get to the root of the problem:   Identify the problem Formulate as many options as possible to solve it Select your preferred option Develop a plan to test the viability of that option If this option doesn’t solve the problem, try others   RELAXATION TECHNIQUES People in a constant state of anxiety claim they have trouble relaxing. Relaxation promotes a physical and mental feeling of calm. Learning and practising a […]

Repressed Memory

Repression is a concept that is regularly argued within the psychology world. Whilst most psychologists believe this condition exists, the scientists have other thoughts.   The concept around repressed memory is that something shocking happens, and the mind pushes it into your unconscious as a way of coping. It can remain there for years or even decades and one day the memory can emerge into consciousness and be triggered by various elements or situations.   Commonly repression can happen when childhood trauma occurs such as sexual abuse that allegedly has been repressed for decades, until recovered in therapy. Following the discovery of repressed memory, can come Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.   As adults, we would rather forget traumatic experiences, and whilst we can forget the small details, we still retain the emotions that come with those types of experiences. As a child though, it’s natural to store fragmented memories of events. Many psychotherapists also believe that a high level of all psychological disorders is due to repressed memories of childhood events, trauma and abuse.   Repressed memory is also commonly known as Memory Blanks. People can experience memory blanks of a year or several years during childhood. Now before we jump to conclusions, just because someone doesn’t remember every single detail about their childhood, this doesn’t necessarily mean they are experiencing memory blanks or repression. However, if you are also experiencing problem relationships, sexual dysfunction, panic attacks, phobias, suicide attempts or other issues around self-worth then it’s probably worth having a chat with someone.   Your memory is a funny instrument and works differently to organs that are physical such as the brain. A persons memory has been described in the past as a filing […]

Disease to Please – Trying to make everybody happy

The majority of us highly value our connections with the people around us, such as family, friends, colleagues, superiors and even new acquaintances. In order to maintain those connections, we often feel the need to please them, as if their happiness depended on us and our actions.   There is nothing wrong with the idea of making everyone we know happy, aside from the fact it’s impossible and unrealistic! Unfortunately some people take this too far and develop people pleasing habits which can become a gripping disease that begins to take over lives.   What is the Disease to Please? Simply put, the disease to please makes us want to please all the people around us. It is driven by a need of approval – mistakenly thinking that the only way we can make others happy is by giving into their whims, requests and demands. It starts off with a sincere wish to be nice and helpful to others, developing into a habit of saying ‘yes’ even though we want to say ‘no’.   It may seem like a simple enough problem to deal with but that is not always the case. In our quest to give joy to others, we end up neglecting ourselves holding onto approvals and validation. However what happens when the string of approvals we value, disappear?   The Dangers of Being a People-Pleaser The disease to please is one that affects us an entire person – from our emotional, mental, and even physical well-being.   When we aim to please someone we are willing to sacrifice all we have in exchange for a nod and a smile of approval. We put others first before ourselves which is not healthy long […]

By |Thursday, June 26, 2014|Anxiety, General, Happiness| Comments