No one said love was easy. In fact, there are times when, with the greatest will in the world, you just can’t make it right. Ask any old-aged couple what their secret is and they are likely to say ‘compromise’, or ‘give and take’. In any happy, successful relationship there has to be a balance. Both people have to put in enough and receive enough in return in terms of emotional balance.
A healthy relationship is a partnership, a nurturing partnership. Sometimes this comes naturally. Some people just ‘click’ and it seemingly works. However don’t be fooled by appearances, all relationships take hard work. So, what can you do to help your relationship achieve balance? Can you do anything? It’s tempting to write that something along the lines of, ‘If you have to ask; there’s no point.’ However, surely wanting your relationship to be better, to improve yourself, and to grow as a couple is a positive emotion. There are going to be days when it’s not all plain sailing, and arguments are an inevitable part of life.
Let’s look at 5 ideas to help achieve the ‘golden’ state of balance.
- Healthy conflict. Sounds like a contradiction in terms! When you clash, if you can sort out your problems without tantrums and sniping, it will make for a healthier, more intimate relationship.
- Private life and Public life. Do not air your dirty laundry in public. Keep issues that are private behind closed doors, and never throw something back when it was told in confidence. Never talk insultingly about your partner to anyone else.
- Needs. You can’t rely on your partner to fulfil all your needs this will make you needy. Be strong enough to know that there are things and issues you have to confront yourself. In return, understand your partner’s needs and your place in fulfilling them.
- Be careful with honesty! Honesty is important, we all know that, but know that there is such a thing as brutal honesty. Consider your approach to telling the truth- and I don’t mean lie! Be kind and focus on the positive.
- Strength. Going through tough times together will make you stronger. If you want to, you can be unbeatable together.
The Taoist concept of Ying and Yang is a great way to think about strong, balanced relationships. Ying and Yang represent opposites but opposites that balance each other. In their perfect form, they exist perfectly balanced. One is hot, the other cold. One is the morning, the other is night, so you can exist this way within a relationship. This has to be something you work out together. Love, like Ying and Yang, is a balance of pain and ecstasy. Too much of either isn’t healthy- a balance is the perfect state. It’s hard work, but nothing that was worth having ever came easy.