Relationships

How to deal with narcissism

Whether it’s a co-worker, friend and family member, almost everyone knows someone with a narcissistic personality. Those with a narcissistic personality have an elevated sense of self-importance. They have a sense that they are in charge (at work and home), believe their ‘uniqueness’ can only be understood by a select few, and can require excessive admiration.   For those who work or live with the narcissist, life can become so complicated; you wish the narcissist would just “quit it”. Unfortunately, that’s not an option. As hard as it is to hear, narcissism is something to be dealt with – not necessarily something that can be overcome.   The good news is armed with the right strategies; you can learn to co-exist with the narcissist(s) in your life.   Lower Your Expectations – As you’ll never receive total emotional nurturing in a narcissistic relationship, ensure you keep your expectations realistic. When you’re with them, try to magnify their good qualities, while understanding they are somewhat emotionally limited. Accepting this truth will help you stop asking for something your family member, spouse or co-worker is unable to give (e.g. unconditional love, emotional support, etc.).   Strategise Your Needs – Due to a lack of empathy, narcissists have a lot of troubles focusing on the needs of others – even loved ones. So, ensure you don’t bother them with every little issue that crops up. When you need them to do something for you, ask for their help. To achieve a good result, ask for assistance in areas they are interested or gifted in.   Never Make Your Self-Worth Dependent on Them – Whatever you do, don’t get caught in the trap of trying to please a narcissist. […]

Listening To Your Gut Instincts

Making a decision, any kind of important decision, can sometimes be a long, difficult process. With this is mind, have you ever stopped and analysed how you arrive at a decision? What was the deciding factor? Did you listen to intellectual reason? Did you decide based on you emotionally thought to be right? Or, did you just have a hunch, an intuition, about what to do? Maybe it was a combination of all three?   Whatever the outcome, these are the three ways (or ‘voices’) in which our consciousness makes decisions;   Head (intellectually) Heart (emotionally) Gut (instinctively)   Obviously, how you react determines the outcome, so how do you know which ‘voice’ to follow? I guess it very much depends on the question.   Head Now there are some decisions which are quite obviously ruled by the head. Example, if you are trying to lose weight and eat healthy, and at lunch you have the decision between a salad and a burger. You may emotionally crave the burger, but you know that you should have the salad. This is based on the fact that a salad is healthier than a burger, but a burger is tastier than a salad. Following your heart instead of your head will lead to a bad decision. Listening to you head, involves rationality, reason and intelligence. People who follow their head, and disregard their heart and gut feelings, are often perceived as cold, calculating or analytical. You might even argue that ‘head’ people can be superficially and not as good at relating emotionally.   Heart You might be one of those people, or at least know someone, who repeatedly goes for the wrong guy/ girl. They know that this […]

Why do people cheat?

  When people find out their spouse has cheated on them one of the hardest questions to ask is Why? The ‘why’ someone has cheated can make you feel vulnerable and sometimes the questions that it is easier to ask is ‘Who’, ‘When’ and ‘Where’. The Why of an affair is something that will be asked long after the relationship or affair has ended. As with all things that come down to human behaviour, it’s different for every person. There is no one rule as to why someone cheats as it’s usually down to individual circumstances. We can’t even say that women are more likely to cheat than men, as that is not the case. What we do see is women are more likely to try and cover up any infidelity, for fear of losing children, friendships, home and financial security. Some of the reasons why people cheat can include: Unhappiness Lack of a sexual relationship Opportunity Boredom Ego Loneliness When people cheat is often spontaneous and not pre-empted. Generally people in long term committed relationships don’t intentionally set out to cheat on their spouses, however situations arise and before they know it they are in the middle of an affair. A reassuring fact is that a lot of relationships do recover from infidelity and often, as a result develop closer, stronger relationships. However if you have experienced a serial cheater, then the problems can lay deeper and need to be addressed. If you have been cheated on, there are 2 options. You work through it together or alone. Individual circumstances will govern this and there is no right or wrong way of dealing with infidelity. As with everything though, prevention is better than cure […]

By |Friday, July 25, 2014|Relationships| Comments

The Differences between verbal and non verbal communication

Communication is a regular part of our everyday lives. It is through communication that we are able to express our needs, wants, sentiments and every other emotion or message that we wish to share with others. However, communication is not always limited to what we say but also in how we say them. More often than not, what we don’t say often carries more weight than what we actually said.  An article from Social Mojo reveals that ‘verbal communication has only a 7% impact to your overall communication with 93% is coming from nonverbal communication.  Of this, 55% is body language and 38% tonality.’ Despite this both verbal and nonverbal communication have their own appropriate uses and applications.  Being aware of these will help us better understand the key differences between verbal communication and nonverbal communication.   Mode of Expression The most obvious difference between verbal and non verbal communication is how the messages are conveyed and received.  Verbal communication can be spoken or written and requires the use of words which are heard or read by the recipient of the message. Non-verbal communication is expressed through the speaker’s actions and behaviour in the communication process. These body language, body signals, and mannerism can be observed as follows: Sounds (laughing, snickering, sighing) Body contact (shaking hands, hugs) Facial expressions (smiling, frowning) Eye movements (winking, rolling) Eye Contact Head movements (shaking of the head, nodding) Hand movements (waving, clenched fists) Ways of talking (tone, intonation, pauses, stuttering) Posture (leaning forward, slouching) Uses and Applications Verbal communication is most effectively used in phone calls, text messages, chats and emails. Through verbal communication you are able to convey your message through words. Non-verbal communication is more effective in […]